Sometimes I pretend to be a photographer

Well, true to my word, I stayed in knitting and watched Netflix! With that I produced this:

It looks simple, but I like the way it looks like two layers stuck together. Also, it's the first brown piece! It wasn't scrap yarn, but I sort of ran out of enough scrap yarn to make an entire panel except for white. But I thought I have enough white, maybe I should use a new color! And the brown fit in, so that's what I used. 

I decided to go out for a walk with Ellie though instead of shutting myself in the entire day. Sure knitting is therapeutic, but I thought the fresh air would do me good, and the blue skies would help lift the funk I feel like I'm in. I walked and sat around a park and decided that maybe while I'm being so negative about all the big picture things in my life, I should appreciate all the little things instead. I decided to take pictures of anything that caught my eye. It turns out, in attracted to plain everyday things.

The camera on the iPhone is amazing. It makes everyday flowers look gorgeous. Or maybe they just are gorgeous. 

There was also no way I wouldn't take a picture of Ellie, who makes me happy even on the worst days. 

Here's more flowers! I actually took so many flower photos. I love flowers it turns out! I don't think I really knew that about myself! 

I don't even remember what this flower is called. I just remember playing with them all the time when I was a kid. This photo was taken three seconds before Ellie stomped on it. 

I think at this point, I realized how much I miss the everyday beautiful things in life. I probably pass these types of flowers everyday and don't think twice about them since I'm so focused on the big stuff. And I know, it sounds pretty cheesy, and I usually dismiss all the 'inspirational' messages that are so trendy nowadays that everybody latches onto and sends viral. But I guess sometimes you really do have to just stop and smell the roses. 

Or maybe stop just to look at how blue the sky is. And how big the world looks. And feel small. And let my imagined problems that I know aren't real feel small. And for someone who usually scrolls past anything that sounds like pretty words packaged as 'inspirational', I started to wonder if I was feeling inspired right now. 

I'm still not sure what being inspired means though. I don't think I've ever been inspired by anything before. Probably one of the reasons I lack motivation. But, really, what does it mean to be inspired. Inspired to do what? 

People throw that word around. So have I. But I never meant it. At most, I guess a nice walk outside, looking at things I'd normally miss, pulling myself out of my own head inspires myself to just calm down. I need to get in control of my anxiety. Nothing is even wrong. I'm just worried for no reason. Just worried about everything, and worried about nothing. And I feel like I'm annoying everyone by my constant need to talk about it. I guess I just want someone else to validate that what I'm worrying about is actually worth worrying about. 

I hope I don't sound like I'm just spouting crap from my mouth. I don't want to sound like one of those people who try too hard to be deep. But I guess since my boyfriend, who keeps me grounded has been staying abroad for so long, my anxieties have just taken off. I need to remind myself, I have a life so many people would kill for. A good boyfriend, a good family, a peaceful life, a sprinkle of friends. And I appreciate all of it. 

I think taking off a day from work was a good choice. Everybody needs to take a break sometimes. I wish everyday was like this though. My dogs, nature, knitting and movies, all knitted together into a pretty perfect day.